Dear Savvy: How do I start the conversation about porn with my kids?

Pornography is easily accessible and is permeating our lives. And while we, as parents, are becoming more aware of its effects and recognize the need to talk with our children about pornography, many wonder when, where, and how to start the conversation. It’s a scary task, oftentimes more so for parents than for the kids! So, where do we start? 

This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that.Tune into the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us. 

Dear Savvy: How do I start the conversation about pornography with my kids?

Dear Listener,

Trying to start the conversation about pornography is like starting a new DIY project. Sometimes getting our head wrapped around it is more difficult than actually diving in. But just like a DIY project, gathering the proper tools, reading the instructions, and laying the groundwork eases the burden of the task. Then, once we begin, the fear subsides and we can focus on completing the job. We may even enjoy the process. We have a few pointers, some tools and methods, which may eliminate the fear and answer the question of how to start the conversation.

Here is what we discussed today:

For sake of clarity, we assumed the parent who asked this question is raising a tween (between the ages of 8 and 12) and has not yet talked with their child about pornography. To get started we settled on three basic guidelines:

1) Start small. The goal of the first conversation is to open the door and get the word “pornography” on the table. Don’t try to cover everything at once. Use this first interaction to break the ice. 

2) Ask questions that build trust. Start with something like, “How would you define pornography?” Asking a question is one of our favorite tools for starting weighty conversations. It gives insight as to where your children are coming from. From there you can decide what ideas you want to expand upon. 

3) Finish by keeping the door open. At the end of the discussion, which should be short and simple, tell your child the conversation about pornography will be ongoing. You will bring it up again. This also leaves the door open for them to come to you with questions in the future. 

One more suggestion is to create a specific time and space to start the conversation. On rare occasions a dialogue may spontaneously occur, but not typically. Take a day or two to ponder how and when to bring it up. Here are a few suggestions:

• Melody’s parents used to chat with her at the foot of their bed. Likewise, her bedroom is known as a safe place in her household. 
• Start the conversation in the car. It’s less intimidating because you aren’t eye-to-eye. Also, your kids can’t run from you! 
• Chat while actively engaging in shoulder-to-shoulder activities, like folding laundry or doing dishes.

Remember, this is not a stand-alone conversation. It’s not one-and-done. The objective is to start the conversation as young as possible and continue to talk about pornography and its effects as your children grow and mature.

“At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child’s success is the positive involvement of parents.” —Jane D. Hull

For more information…

Today, our resource for you is our FREE download, your Quick Guide to Safer Screen Habits. It includes great tips on how to start the conversation about pornography and incorporate it into a bigger, continuing conversation related to the concept of safer screen habits. The PDF encourages you to schedule a Family Power Meeting to share ideas and get your kids’ input. We always want their buy-in and want to talk with them, not at them.

Episode challenge

We encourage you to download the Quick Guide to Safer Screen Habits and start the conversation about pornography with your kids. As you prepare, remember that whether the first conversation is successful or not is irrelevant. It’s really about being involved in your children’s lives and showing your children you are willing to tackle difficult topics together. 

Do you have a question for Melody & Marilyn? You can click here to Contact Us, email us at admin@parentsaware.info, or submit your question through any of our social media platforms. We’d love to hear from you!

Links/Resources

Ep. #2-21, 10 Natural Ways to Start the Porn Talk

Ep. #2-19, 4 Essential Steps to Protect Kids from Pornography

Ep. #2-23, Help! My Kid is Looking at Pornography

Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids – for ages 8 to 11 (book) by Kristen Jenson

Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds (book) – for ages 3 to 7 (book) by Kristen Jenson

How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography (book) by Educate and Empower Kids

*Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, which means, at no additional cost to you, Parents Aware/Media Savvy Moms receives a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Thanks for helping to support us in our mission to protect families from the harms of pornography.

• About
• Latest Posts

Media Savvy Moms Podcast

Who knew honest conversations about parenting and pornography could be so approachable? Join Marilyn for a series of contemplations, chats, and interviews as she helps fellow parents tackle this challenging topic with their kids.

Latest posts by Media Savvy Moms Podcast (see all)

• [4-10] One Mom’s Mission to Help You Untangle The Tech with Your Teen - May 20, 2022
• [4-9] The Art and Science of Talking to Teens About Pornography - April 27, 2022
• [4-8] Unrestricted Internet for Kids is Like Asking Little League to Compete Against Pros - April 14, 2022