Child sexual abuse. It’s a serious topic with no easy answers. It can hurt just thinking about it—no matter whose child it affects. So what are we to do? Do we close our eyes, try to think of happier thoughts, and wish for it to all go away? No! We do what we can do. We control what we can control; we teach children about body safety and give them the best protective information we can.
No one knows how to do this better than Holly-ann Martin. She, with the help of her husband Roger, founded Safe4Kids, a Western Australian organization devoted to Abuse Prevention Training. Simply, they saw a need and went to work. With a background in education, Holly-ann has developed a host of incredible resources (see links below). Each is designed to help parents and teachers empower children with the necessary life skills to not only help protect from unwanted sexual touch (including exposure to pornography), but also teach children how to build and nurture respectful relationships.
If there’s one underlying message that we want you to get from this episode, it’s that you can do this! Talking to children about body safety can be comfortable, easy, and even fun! In fact, kids learn best when they’re having fun. As their parent, you’re the best person to take the lead on this. But don’t worry, you’re not alone. Holly-ann is here to guide you through the process. In this episode we discuss:
- What is the best age to start protective conversations
- Why kids need us to help them express themselves
- 3 fun and practical ways to teach body safety
And did we mention? … she’s been teaching and updating her curriculum for over 35 years!! So yeah, she knows a thing or two!
When should I start protective conversations?
When we imagine the typical perpetrator, it’s easy to revert back to the idea of a man in a trenchcoat lurking around bus stops, school yards, and playgrounds. For decades, kids were taught “don’t talk to strangers” and “never accept a ride from someone you don’t know.” It was labeled Stranger Danger—and it was terribly ineffective. Why? Because a child is rarely harmed by someone they’ve never met!
- Only 4% of abuse is perpetrated by strangers
- 96% of perpetrators are known, trusted, and often loved by the child
- 46% of abuse is children abusing other children or teens abusing children
- Pornography plays a significant role in the abuse of children
Protective education is about teaching children from an early age to think about safety in every circumstance. One statistic that we don’t hear too much about is that 46% of abuse against children is perpetrated by minors. When police investigate these cases, they are finding more and more links back to pornography. Children and teens are acting out (on other children) what they’re seeing and learning from pornography.
Because of all these circumstances, protective conversations should begin early! Holly-ann promises that we don’t have to overwhelm or scare children to give them the information they need.
- Start protective conversations by age 3
- Start talking about the harms of porn by age 6
Ask lots of questions
Holly-ann often asks students to share where they’ve seen what she calls private pictures (pornography). Sadly, even five-year-olds have ready answers for this question. For the sake of our children, protective education and body safety needs to become as natural to us as teaching them ABCs and 123s.
As Holly-ann shared stories, one theme that stood out is that children rarely tell parents when they’ve been in dangerous situations. One day, as she sent a classroom of 32 seven-year olds off for recess, eight of them stayed back. One-by-one, each child told her that they had been seeing private pictures on YouTube. But not one of them had thought to tell their parents.
Related: Ep. #2-16, Body Safety: How to Empower Kids & Teens
There are lots of reasons why children don’t confide in their parents. For some, it’s the fear of getting in trouble. They don’t want to lose their online privileges or have their device taken away. It could also be that they’re ashamed. But often, it’s that children don’t have the vocabulary to express what it is they experienced. That’s why it’s so important that we ask the questions. And that we make these conversations as comfortable as we can.
Fun and easy ways to teach about body safety
Teaching protective education—or body safety—should never make anyone feel scared or uncomfortable. (And that includes us parents!) Rather, it’s about helping kids pick up on, and pay attention to their body’s natural response to different situations.
Holly-ann gets her students to think about early warning signs—the fight, flight, freeze, or faint responses that all animals express. A turtle hides in his shell. A skunk sprays. A gazelle runs. She explains that we have early warning signs too. Butterflies in the tummy. Sweaty palms. Feeling cold. Feeling hot. Together, they perform fun experiments, like popping balloons, to observe and document what these early warning signs feel like.
Related: My Body Belongs to Me (video) – based on Holly-ann’s material!
Holly-ann also incorporates movement, music, sign language, and more to reinforce different concepts. When kids go home, she says they can’t wait to tell their parents what they’ve learned in her classroom. Listen to the podcast for more details, including:
- 3 safety questions every child should ask themselves before going anywhere with friends.
- Exactly who needs to be on a child’s team of 5 (grown up) safety people and why.
To find out more about the Safe4Kids teaching methods, we highly recommend picking up a copy of A Parent Guide to Child Protection Education. It’s full of practical tools and lessons adapted for use at home.
Episode challenge
Create or review with your child their team of 5 safety people. The simplest way to do this is to trace their hand on a blank sheet of paper. Ask, who would you go to if the worst possible thing were to happen? The thumb represents someone from home. Two fingers represent two people in the community. And two fingers for two people at school.
When trauma does occur in a child’s life they can become very protective of mom or dad. For that reason, it’s important they have other trusted adults to turn to in addition to their family.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!
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More about today’s guest
Holly-ann Martin is the founder and Managing Director of Safe4Kids, a company specialising in child abuse prevention education. Through Safe4Kids, Holly-ann develops and distributes child protection education resources to parents, teachers and educators, and facilitates child protection education and training in Australia and overseas. With a background as a Teacher’s Assistant, Holly-ann is also a children’s author and public speaker. Holly-ann advocates for a holistic, community-based approach to child abuse prevention, educating the people in a child’s network about how to teach kids about body safety, empower them with knowledge, and ultimately keep them safe.
Links/Resources
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