Addicted. Not addicted. How would you describe someone that can’t stop looking at porn? What if that someone is just a kid? Does that change your perspective? If addiction is not the right word, what do we call it? How should a parent respond when their teen feels trapped? Does it help to know how a teen’s brain responds to porn?
These are the questions I was eager to ask Mary Sharpe. She, with her husband Dr. Darryl Mead, founded the Reward Foundation in 2014. They aim to make the science of sex, love, and relationships accessible to everyone. What drew me to them is their concern about pornography’s impact on adolescent growth and development.
The name Reward Foundation is a reference to the brain’s reward center. This is the part of the brain that operates on instinct. It’s what moves us towards pleasurable experiences (sex) and alerts us to risk (fight or flight). In a way, the reward center is designed to create a path of least resistance. And it’s what makes teens extremely vulnerable to pornography.
How the brain responds to porn
To a child or teen’s brain, exposure to pornography is like a footprint in the snow. It leaves an impression not to be forgotten. However, the more we learn about the brain, the better we can help teens break free from porn’s damaging (potentially addictive) grasp.
In this episode:
- Pornography is a public health issue. As such, our communication around pornography must be founded in research rather than fear.
- Pornography taps into the brain’s reward circuitry. When a child sees pornography their brain sees it as a viable substitute for sexual stimulation. Instinctually, the brain is trying to pass along its genes.
- Porn addiction vs. sexual conditioning. Teens often struggle to quit porn because their brain has been conditioned to seek porn (different than addiction). With support, most teens can successfully overcome pornography when motivated to do so.
- What if your teen can’t stop using pornography? It is so important to understand why the brain responds to porn the way it does. Then help your teen find the resources to educate themself. There are five suggestions listed in this episode.
Episode challenge
Make a point to learn something new this week about how the adolescent brain responds to porn. Go to the FREE Parents’ Guide to Internet Pornography found on the Reward Foundation website. There you’ll find a slew of tips, tools, and videos all from a research-based perspective. Choose one idea to help you communicate the harms of pornography to your child or teen in a language they understand and appreciate.
Mary also recommends the following article: Is Guilt Affecting How you Manage Your Child’s Screen Time?
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More about today’s guest
Mary Sharpe is a lawyer and Chair of the relationship and sex education charity: The Reward Foundation – Love, Sex and the Internet. She co-founded the charity in 2014 with her husband Dr. Darryl Mead to make the science behind relationships and sex accessible to a wide audience. She focuses particularly on the impact of internet pornography on adolescents in regard to health, relationships, attainment, and law. The charity has produced a set of 6 free core lesson plans on pornography and sexting for high schools. The charity also has a free Parents’ Guide to Internet Pornography available on the home page of rewardfoundation.org that is regularly updated. The charity is involved inpromoting age verification legislation for pornography. Mary has presented talks and lessons across the UK and internationally and appears regularly on TV and radio.
Links/Resources
The Reward Foundation: FREE Parents’ Guide to Internet Pornography; Home Page
Culture Reframed: Home Page
Your Brain On Porn: Home Page
Reboot Nation: Home Page
No Fap: Home Page
Article: Is Guilt Affecting How you Manage Your Child’s Screen Time—Psychology Today
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