Dear Savvy: Will talking about porn make my kids go looking for it?

Kids are curious. And that’s important. They learn and grow by exploring the world around them. But it can terrify us too. What if their curiosity leads to danger? So we give warnings and have protective conversations. We guide and direct them toward safe, healthy choices. And in our media-saturated world, that also means talking about porn and why it’s harmful.

This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us. 

Dear Savvy: Will talking about porn make my kids go looking for it? 

Dear Listener,

We hear ya! This is new territory. And anything new is kinda scary. When we were young, talking about porn wasn’t even on the radar for our parents. Heck, they barely talked about sex. Their parents? Even less. So it makes sense that these fears are part of our collective parenting psyche. We worry that talking to kids about porn and other bad things will make them go and do bad things. When in fact, it’s quite the opposite. 

Want proof? We asked children and teens straight up if talking about porn with a parent makes them more curious to look. They assured us it does not. Here’s why:  

1. Porn is what inspires kids to look at porn. It’s availability and ease of access. Not parents. Not talking about porn.

2. All kids have questions about sex. Eventually, most will be (at least a little) curious about porn. When we avoid these topics at home, kids are more likely to seek dangerous information online. 

Here’s a little more of what Melody and Marilyn discussed on the podcast today:

We teach our kids ALL THE TIME to be careful, safe and protected from dangerous things. Don’t run in the street. Don’t touch the hot stove. Don’t do drugs. And we never worry that our warnings on these topics will actually inspire our kids to do the opposite. 

The solution to protecting kids from porn is to talk about it. Put important conversations on the table. And give kids enough information to help them make healthy and safe decisions. 

Despite best warnings kids will make some stupid (er… we mean poor) decisions. That doesn’t mean all this talk is for naught. When kids know they can rely on mom or dad to provide real solutions, they’re more likely to turn to them if hurt or in a dangerous situation. And that’s exactly what we’re aiming for. 

• Create a safe place for kids to talk about dangerous things.
• Become their “default search engine.” Let your kids know they can come to you for answers about sex and pornography—instead of Google or friends. YIKES!!

Wise words: “I think, at a child’s birth, if a mother could ask a fairy godmother to endow it with the most useful gift, that would be curiosity.”—Eleanor Roosevelt.

For more information…

Still feeling cautious? Want to learn more about how, when and why to talk about porn with your kids? We recommend listening to Ep. #1-2, Beware of the Rattlesnakes: Safeguarding Your Kids from Pornography. Here Marilyn relates an experience about hiking in the Rocky Mountains when her kids were little. And how knowing about hidden dangers (rattlesnakes) helped to keep everyone safe. It’s the same with pornography! 

Episode challenge

Ask your child or teen what they’re curious about today. You probably know most of their interests already. But likely there are one or two things they haven’t shared out loud. Perhaps a dream, an idea, or a challenge. Ask a few questions and see if their curiosity won’t get you both excited to learn more. 

Do you have a question for Melody & Marilyn? You can click here to Contact Us, email us at admin@parentsaware.info, or submit your question through any of our social media platforms. We’d love to hear from you!

Links/Resources

How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography (book) by Educate and Empower Kids

Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds – for ages 3 to 7 (book) by Kristen Jenson

Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids – for ages 8 to 11 (book) by Kristen Jenson

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Media Savvy Moms Podcast

Who knew honest conversations about parenting and pornography could be so approachable? Join Marilyn for a series of contemplations, chats, and interviews as she helps fellow parents tackle this challenging topic with their kids.

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