Dear Savvy: When should I start talking to my kids about porn?

There’s no question. In our media saturated world, our kids will be exposed to porn at some point. But what’s the right age to start talking about it?

This episode is part of our #DearSavvy series. Sometimes you just want a quick answer to a burning question. These shorter episodes are designed to give you just that. Tune in to the podcast to hear the whole scoop, and check out the show notes for helpful tools and information. If you’d like to submit a question, click here to Contact Us. 

Dear Savvy: What is the right age to start talking to my kids about pornography?

Dear Listener,

In our media saturated world, it’s not a matter of IF our kids will be exposed to pornography; it’s a matter of WHEN. (It’s sad, but true.) The short answer is: If your child has access to an internet-capable device, then it’s time to start talking about pornography. So really, the answer is up to YOU. As soon as the device goes into your child’s hand, there is a possibility of exposure. And that’s the time to start talking about pornography.

Here is what Melody and Marilyn discussed on the podcast today:

• The average age of first exposure to hardcore porn is 8. Also, many kindergarten teachers report seeing evidence that their students have already been exposed. We don’t tell you this to scare you—only to emphasize the necessity to start talking now! 
• Here are recommendations for screen time and devices for specific age groups from the World Health Organization and the American Academy of Pediatrics:
  • Infants under 1 yr/18 mo: no screens
  • Ages 2 to 5: max 1 hour of high-quality programming
  • Ages 6+: consistent limits (shouldn’t replace sleep, physical activity, and other healthy behaviors) 
• When we start talking to our kids about porn, we can keep it simple. We don’t have to eat the whole hamburger at once. Start talking to young children about body safety and what is/is not appropriate. What do we know about how to keep our private parts safe? (Super easy, right?)
• Remember our Beware of the Rattlesnakes episode? If there were venomous snakes inside your phone that could slither out and bite your kid, would you hand them your phone without warning them to watch out? No way! It’s the same with porn. 
• Rather than jumping right in with a lecture, start with a question. Ask your kid what they know and what they don’t know when it comes to pornography. 

For more information…

Our favorite resource to help start the conversation with young kids about the harms of pornography is Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds by Kristen Jenson. This read-aloud children’s book makes it easy to start talking! The beautiful pictures and easy-to-read format are totally engaging for ages 3 to 7. Plus, there are little hidden cameras for the kids to hunt for on every page. And best of all, the book gives your kids a practical plan to “Turn, Run, and Tell,” in case they ever encounter “bad pictures.”

Episode challenge

Ask your child to tell you what they think pornography is. As Marilyn said, “The words our children use to describe pornography are more important than any definition that you or I or anyone else comes up with.” In essence, we can tell our kids what to do or how to react when it comes to pornography, but it really comes down to what they feel inside. So let’s help them start talking about it. 

Do you have a question for Melody & Marilyn? You can click here to Contact Us, email us at admin@parentsaware.info, or submit your question through any of our social media platforms. We’d love to hear from you!

*Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, which means, at no additional cost to you, Parents Aware/Media Savvy Moms receives a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Thanks for helping to support us in our mission to protect families from the harms of pornography.

• About
• Latest Posts

Media Savvy Moms Podcast

Who knew honest conversations about parenting and pornography could be so approachable? Join Marilyn for a series of contemplations, chats, and interviews as she helps fellow parents tackle this challenging topic with their kids.

Latest posts by Media Savvy Moms Podcast (see all)

• [4-10] One Mom’s Mission to Help You Untangle The Tech with Your Teen - May 20, 2022
• [4-9] The Art and Science of Talking to Teens About Pornography - April 27, 2022
• [4-8] Unrestricted Internet for Kids is Like Asking Little League to Compete Against Pros - April 14, 2022