The Strength of Dads in the Fight Against Porn

Whose fight is this? You know us. We are moms—media savvy moms. We’re concerned about kids, family, and relationships. But ours is not the only voice needed. Nor is it the only voice being heard. We stand alongside amazing dads. Dads who have a vision for a world without exploitation. It’s this gentle strength of dads to fight porn that will help change the world. 

Love is the antidote to porn. We know this. And it takes both dads and moms to model what real love looks like for kids. Simply, there are things kids learn from dads, and other significant men in their lives, they can’t learn from moms. Most importantly: how men treat women, and how to be a great dad mentor. Moms can teach this. But dads show it. 

Josh Gilman joins us on the show this week. He is the director of Strength to Fight, an organization based in Ottawa, Canada fighting for a porn-free community. They get their message out through dynamic presentations in schools, churches and special events. But at the root of it, Josh is in this fight because of his role as a dad. He wants to see a better future for his kids. 

Eight years to change the world 

Josh describes himself as statistically normal. He encountered porn for the very first time at eight years old. It was a magazine he found on the street, literally lying in front of him! That first taste, combined with teen years of unlimited internet access, set him up for what he describes as an addiction. In other words, he knows what it’s like to crave porn. But he also learned how to overcome it. It’s something he’s not ashamed to say was in his past. Owning it, gives him strength. 

Related: Ep. #2-24, A Father and a Fighter: Finding Endurance to Overcome Pornography with Garrett Jonsson, Fight the New Drug

Growing up in Ottawa and being a proud hockey fan, Josh—along with the rest of the nation—was shaken when the entire University of Ottawa hockey team was suspended in 2014 for allegations in a huge sexual assault scandal. Rape culture was suddenly on everyone’s mind. Josh’s brother and a couple friends organized an event on campus to talk about the negative impact of porn on culture, how it fuels rape and trafficking, plus how to break free. 

The response was overwhelming. The filmed presentation was shared on social media. People started asking them to talk at their schools and churches. They needed a leader. They turned to Josh. Until then, he had been hanging out on the sidelines. But he was also a new dad. He looked at his baby girl. He knew the statistics. He decided, “I’ve got eight years to change the world for her.” 

Simple, safe conversations

When Josh speaks to young people he’s got a particular message he shares with the girls. He wants them to know that they always have a say in their relationships. He tells them about when he and his wife were dating. She asked him straight up if he consumed porn. He answered honestly, “No. That was my story. It’s not anymore.” 

He loves seeing the girls’ response. They hear this story and it clicks. They’re like, Whoa, I’m allowed to set the standards in my relationship? I can have expectations of how I should be treated? It goes back to the strength of dads. The message that sinks in about what to expect from men, comes from men. Josh says that if he can help all his kids recognize REAL love then he will mark that as his biggest success as a parent. 

Ep. #2-9, Bella Girl: Instilling Value, Beauty, and Purpose, with Letitia Shelton, Bella Girl

Talking to parents is a bit different. They have two big concerns: First, not knowing how to talk to their kids about tough topics. Two, realizing that they have to talk to their kids. Josh is passionate about helping parents. He says we need to be able to talk about the sad and harmful things that happen to kids. But we also need to be gentle in our approach. Start simple. Simple doesn’t mean easy. But you can do it! His advice? Help keep kids safe with open conversations and building a relationship. Make sure they know you love them no matter what.

Strength of dads to fight porn

Every dad is a role model for their kids. We asked Josh to talk about some of the men in the fight against pornography that inspired him. He named three. 

Ron DeHaas is the President and co-founder of Covenant Eyes, an accountability software program. Josh heard him speak and knew he would join the fight. Ron lost his first family to a drunk driver. With his second family he saw the challenges of raising kids in a media saturated world. He didn’t want another addiction to be the cause of loss. With his settlement he created a path towards freedom for many. 

Tim Challies is an author, blogger and book reviewer. Josh says his writing inspires him to be bold in his parenting convictions. Tim’s most controversial topic? Sleepovers and why parents should say no. His blog posts are often heavily praised and hated at once—but always widely read! Recommended reading according to Josh. 

Mr. Gilman is Josh’s dad. Josh explains what a fantastic role model he was. Not because he was perfect, but because he wasn’t. His dad’s willingness to admit his own shortcomings stuck with Josh. From a young age he was presented with the idea that a parent is someone that makes mistakes then works to fix them. Josh says he never respected his dad more than when he admitted he’d done wrong. The words and actions of expressing vulnerability and weakness transfer to kids. It lets them know it’s ok to ask for help. 

Episode challenge

In the spirit of Mr. Gilman’s example, Josh challenged us to confess something to our kids. It doesn’t have to be big. Just something to let them know you struggle too—you have personal disappointments and you are striving to improve. Model vulnerability for your kids so that they know that love and acceptance is always on the table. 

Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!

More about today’s guest

Josh Gilman is a speaker, author and the Executive Director of Strength To Fight. His background is a blend of Ministry and Communications. He worked for five years in the radio industry, including spending several years as a News Anchor and Reporter. Josh lives in Ottawa with his wife Megan and their four children, determined to create a different Internet for his kids than the one he grew up with. 

Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!

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Media Savvy Moms Podcast

Who knew honest conversations about parenting and pornography could be so approachable? Join Marilyn for a series of contemplations, chats, and interviews as she helps fellow parents tackle this challenging topic with their kids.

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