Tried to talk to your kids about sex? Epic fail? We feel your pain. A lot of our parents send in sex talk questions. The point of this show is to help us to remember to relax! Have a sense of humor! And don’t try so hard to be perfect!
Tune in for some hilarious stories from parents–including US–failing miserably at the sex talk. In our head, it seems so straightforward. For instance, we’ll just show our kids a short video clip about the “miracle of life.” But afterward, by their horrified expressions you’d think we just showed them a preview of the Alien movie. Oops.
Have no fear. We have some pointers.
Today we’ll be discussing three basic guidelines for having successful sex talks with our kids:
- Relax and remove shame
- Just answer the question!
- Have ongoing talks
In the end, if we’ve done these three things, then we’ve done a great job! The main focus of this episode is to take some time to laugh and to remind us not to be so hard on ourselves.
I. RELAX AND REMOVE THE SHAME
-Our body language says volumes
-Practice saying sex/anatomy words so they feel comfortable and casual to help put your kids at ease (we talk more about this in Get Off the Fence)
-If you are uptight then your kids will be too
-Have a sense of humor
-Kids are innocent–they are genuinely curious, living in this new, amazing body and want to know all about it
-Help preserve the wonder kids have about their body
-If we are relaxed, it will encourage our kids to come back and ask more questions
-You don’t need to have awkward facts-of-life talks; instead have easygoing “oh by the way” conversations about intimacy with your kids
-Try having a question of the day if you need help getting the conversation started
-Even if you’re totally squirming in the inside, try to act calm and cool on the outside
-Why is all of this such a secret anyhow … ?
II. JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION!
-Don’t overcomplicate things
-If someone asks what time it is, do you tell them how to build a watch?
-Use reflective listening; when your kids ask a question, ask them a question back
-There are age-appropriate resources; here are some great books from Educate and Empower Kids that we love:
30 Days of Sex Talks: Ages 3 to 7 (book)
30 Days of Sex Talks: Ages 8 to 11 (book)
30 Days of Sex Talks: Ages 12+ (book)
-Sometimes we jump to conclusions; instead, pause and think about the question through a child’s eyes
-Don’t just fly off into a long lecture; instead ask your child more questions and have a back-and-forth discussion
-When children lead the conversation everything changes
-Ask your children what THEY think!
III. HAVE ONGOING TALKS
-Talking about sex and pornography is not a “one and done”
-You might notice that we touch on this theme (ongoing talks) a lot on our show: in our Construction Site episode we called it “Keep on Truckin’” and in our Rattlesnakes episode we emphasized the need to “Talk Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow.” We are going to keep driving this home because it is so important to have ongoing talks with your kids!
-When kids learn about healthy sexuality from their parents it’s an extra layer of protection against the multitude of confusing messages bombarding them in the media
-Use everyday moments to talk about sex
-In our interview with Kristen Jenson (My Child Saw Porn, Now What? A S.M.A.R.T. Plan for Parents), she challenged us to talk “shoulder to shoulder” while doing the dishes, chores, on a walk, etc.
-Dina Alexander, founder of Educate and Empower Kids is coming on the show soon to talk about her books, 30 Days of Sex Talks! This is a great resource for talking to kids about sex!
-Be creative: Marilyn has 5 boys and decided to teach her boys about female hygiene with a little kit that included a tampon, a pad, a barrette, pantyhose, and other things boys might not be familiar with.
-If you don’t teach your kids about sex, then who will? Do you really want their friends–or the internet or porn–teaching them about sex?
-You’ve got this, parents! Take courage!
Challenge: Want advice on how to talk to your kids about sex? Send in your questions to our contact form or mediasavvymoms@gmail.com.
Links from this Episode:
You Mean it’s Not a BAH-Jina? (Article: Parents Aware)
30 Days of Sex Talks: Ages 3 to 7 (book)
30 Days of Sex Talks: Ages 8 to 11 (book)
30 Days of Sex Talks: Ages 12+ (book)
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