Who are the People in your Neighbourhood Fighting Pornography?

What health crisis affects every family and community across this country? —Sexual exploitation fuelled by inseparable duo of human trafficking and the porn industry!

To solve this crisis we need to get more people involved in the the conversation. We need a safe place to share worries, concerns and frustrations. We need to find solution-focused strategies that will protect our kids from becoming victims of sexual exploitation. We need to be united in the fight against pornography.

”Strong & Free” in the cause

Being united in this cause is exactly what brought me to Ottawa last week. There I attended the Strong and Free Conference hosted by Strength to Fight. I met, collaborated with, and learned from organizations across Canada who are fighting pornography and sexual exploitation.

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Do you remember the Sesame Street song Who are the People in your Neighbourhood? —A fun muppet sketch that encouraged viewers to learn more about the people that you meet each day. Today I’d like to introduce you to some amazing people in our neighbourhood who are fighting for our kids future. I’m talking, they live close enough that we could meet at Tim’s for a cup of herbal tea (or coffee, if that’s more your thing).

A therapist is a person fighting pornography

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Paul Lavergne is not your average therapist. He’s got some specific training and life experience that make him a qualified sex addiction therapist. That means that in his regular practice, Paul specializes in treating individuals with a range of compulsive sexual behaviours.

These behaviours can include: pornography addiction, chat-rooms, cyber-sex, xxx-movies, phone sex, voyeurism, fetishes, using strip clubs, escort services and massage parlours, compulsive masturbation, affairs, as well as having multiple or anonymous sexual partners.

Conference take away

Paul helped us understand more about the brain’s biological response to pornography. He explained:

• Repeated exposure to porn changes the brain at a cellular level.
• Compulsion to use porn is both a process addiction and a substance addiction.
• People create their own drug when they view porn (it causes the body to produce unnatural quantities of dopamine and other naturally occurring substances).
• Porn teaches the brain that violence and abuse is erotic.
• Pornographic images/video hijack the brain; therefore, complete abstinence from porn is required for full recovery.

An abolitionist is a person fighting pornography

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I feel honoured to have met Glendyne Gerrard, director of Defend Dignity, this week. Glendyne and her organization stand up for Canada’s most vulnerable victims —the women and children in our communities trapped in a world a prostitution and sexual exploitation. Sex trafficking is the most common form of modern day slavery in Canada.

Glendyne is the first to acknowledge that pornography is at the root of most sexual exploitation. She says: “It normalizes sexual violence against women and has permeated our culture. We need to understand the dangers of our pornified culture and work to change it.” Please watch the following video produced by Defend Dignity to understand the impact of pornography on our culture:

Conference take away

Today in Canada, buying sex is a crime. This is thanks to the Protection of Communities and Exploited Persons Act (PCEPA) enacted December 2014. This legislation is significant in that it shifts focus and culpability towards the buyer (where it should be) and away from the victim. The legislation recognizes that:

• Buying sex, or attempting to buy sex, is illegal in Canada.
• The demand for paid sex is what funnels women into prostitution and fuels sex trafficking.
• Prostitution is inherently dangerous and exploitive.
• Objectification of the human body and commodification of sexuality causes social harm.
• Prostitution violates human dignity and equality between the sexes.

Contributing factors to individuals entering prostitution or being vulnerable to exploitation include poverty, addiction, colonization, mental illness and racialization.

Action required

The PCEPA is amazing, but it is also fragile. At the Strong and Free Conference Glendyne appealed to us to contact Justice Minister Jody Wilson along with our local MPs to uphold PCEPA (find template here).

Many are concerned that current government trends are moving towards the legalization of prostitution. Something which Defend Dignity says will have devastating consequences for the women and children on the street.

Defend Dignity makes it easy to have your voice heard in this matter. Learn more here. Use their templates to tweet, email and message your response.

There are more concerned parents fighting pornography

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Brett Ullman tackles pretty much any subject that impacts family —including pornography. Coming from a Faith perspective he speaks to parents and youth on relevant subjects of the day. And get this —he’s relatable to both! He carries the persona of a chill dad whose favourite pastimes might include jam sessions, hockey and hanging out with his kids (just guessing here).

For ten years Brett taught with the Toronto District School Board and then transitioned into full time speaking. Head on over to his website and you’ll find topics like mental health, sex & pornography, dating, loneliness, parenting and more.

In the world of parenting blogs, it’s refreshing to find a dad willing to share these golden nuggets of information.

Conference take away

We got The. Sex.Talk. from Brett. It was fantastic! Here’s what I learned:

Kids today, more than ever, need parents to include conversations about sex and pornography in the “normal rhythm of our lives” (sound familiar, right?).

• Our goal should not be to preserve innocence, but to preserve health.
• It’s easier to build strong children than it is to repair broken adults.
• Read books and blogs, stay current, and start talking to your kids —now!

The documentary filmmaker is a person fighting pornography

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Have you seen the documentary film Over 18? If you haven’t, do so now!. Everyone I’ve talked to who’s seen the film agrees it’ll be your best and fastest education on how the porn industry operates. It’ll explain how and why our children are being so easily exploited in our own homes and what we can do about it.

Michelle and Jared Brock, a husband and wife duo, are the film’s creators. Michelle joined us in Ottawa and I got to have a wonderful conversation with her. Michelle says parents should recognize that the film Over 18 may challenge viewers to consider things that make them feel uncomfortable. But this is exactly what kids have to process in their young minds every time they are exposed to modern pornography.

Conference take away

Michelle has the sweetest personality you’ll ever encounter, but has learned she can still make her voice heard. At the conference she gave us five tips that will help us to engage in this conversation with anyone. Her advice:

• Lead with vulnerability —when we tell our story our friends start to open up.
• Create a safe space —conversations without distraction will meander into deeper waters.
• Be relevant —determine how the discussion would be important to them.
• Build bridges —focus on common ground (avoid the pit of politics).
• Engage in kindness —we hate porn, but we do not hate people.

Out of the shadows

Those familiar with my story know that Parents Aware was launched out of a need I felt to start the conversation. It was apparent that pornography was having free reign on children and teens but as parents we weren’t talking about it in our communities. So I started to speak up. It was challenging at first. But speaking up makes all the difference in the world.

It’s been said we have to take pornography out of the shadows where it has power and bring it into the light where we have power. I have found, as Michelle says, when we “lead with vulnerability” doors start to open up. We discover there are others who identify with our experience, compliment our work, and have the same goals. In other words, we discover we are not alone.

If you have a story to share, we can help you find the words. Please contact us.

Join the Parents Aware community

Parents Aware is a little organization with a big heart. We consider pornography a public health crisis. Our mission is to have solution focused discussions about the harms of porngraphy that relate to everyday parenting.

We are proudly Canadian (as you can tell by today’s content). But we are equally interested in what’s going on in any corner of the world that could help protect kids from pornography. If you are interested in receiving weekly updates from us, please fill out the attached form.

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Marilyn

Marilyn has an educational background in family processes and believes that even the most difficult conversations with our kids can be made easy. She loves to share her own experience of parenting in the digital age through writing, live speaking presentations and everyday conversations.

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