Is My Child or Teen Addicted to Porn?

In our crazy digital world, we know it’s not a matter of IF our kids will see porn—it’s a matter of WHEN. But what then? After exposure, will they go back? How do we know if our kid is addicted to porn? 

As parents, we just want to keep our kids safe. That’s the goal. But in order to protect our kids from the harms of pornography, we need to understand what we’re dealing with. For instance … Is my was the child exposed to pornography by accident, is it a habit, or are they really addicted to porn? What qualifies as an “addiction,” and can we really use that word when it comes to children and teens? 

Paul Lavergne, a Registered Psychotherapist and Certified Sexual Recovery Therapist, is here on the podcast to help us sort through these complicated questions, and give us answers, resources and peace of mind. 

Porn is like a drug

Today’s porn is nothing like the porn we’ve had to deal with in past generations. Playboy is “quaint” compared to what we find online. And a lot of sources are calling porn addiction the fastest growing addiction in the world. 

We know people are drawn to pornography, but is it really an “addiction”? Paul referred to Fight the New Drug, and said the organization’s use of the term was not an accidental choice of words. Porn really is like a drug. And it can be addictive! 

Let’s talk about brain science

Porn instantly produces changes in the brain, releasing dopamine, serotonin, adrenaline, endorphins, and other neurochemicals. A person may become addicted to porn because they crave those high levels of neurochemicals, just like a drug addict that craves cocaine or heroin. Studies show that the cravings are just as compelling as hard drugs. 

Related: Ep. #1.2, Beware of the Rattlesnakes: Safeguarding Your Kids from Pornography

Who is at risk?

Paul reminded us that anyone—child, teen or adult—can become addicted to porn by viewing, listening to or reading erotic material. Pornography is especially dangerous for teens and children because their brains are still developing. If repeatedly exposed to this “new drug,” they’re at a higher risk of developing habits they can’t control. 

Tune in to hear Paul talk about the two classifications of addictions (substance addictions and process addictions). Pornography fits into BOTH categories!

Why do kids look at porn?

Basically everyone looks at porn the first time for the same two reasons. One, because they’re curious and two, because it’s available. 

So, we know that curiosity is normal and healthy. That won’t change. What has changed is the availability of pornography. Inappropriate material that was once hard to get is not only available, but virtually saturating our society. 

Like we said, it’s not a matter of IF our kids will see porn, but WHEN. Paul said it’s just like sex. Our child WILL have sex someday. So, what kind of information are we going to give them to help make healthy, informed decisions—on both fronts? That is the question.

Related: Ep. #1.17, Sex Talks Made Easy with Dina Alexander

When kids are exposed to pornography they don’t have prior context or the cognitive development to understand what is right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy. There are no boundaries or qualifying statements in porn. Kids may come across themes that include rape, incest, teen, babysitter, stepmom, bestiality—to name a few. But there’s no disclaimer flashing across the screen warning, “THIS IS ABNORMAL ABHORRENT BEHAVIOR.” So that means WE need to be there to provide that warning!

Related: Ep. #1.16, Sex Talks Run Amok: Laugh, Relax, and Carry On!

Accidental exposure or addiction?

So, we’ve established that our kids will be exposed to pornography. In today’s world, it’s inevitable. But how do we know whether it’s an accident or if it’s becoming a habit? And if we suspect it’s a habit, how do we know if it’s gotten out of control to the point of addiction? 

As a clinician, Paul gave us some signs to watch out for that might indicate your child has crossed the line into addiction territory. Here are a few. (Tune in for more!) 

• Secrecy around phones and behaviors
• Anger when screen time is limited
• Defensive when you want to check their device
• Finding inappropriate content on search history, or
• A search history has been deleted

Safety Tip: Have a rule that no one in the family is allowed to delete their history!

Click here to check out Fortify, a program specifically designed to help teens and adults reach long-lasting freedom from pornography. (FREE for teens!)

Paul also gives parents advice for different phases along the trail of prevention, exposure and addiction. Here are a few sneak peeks of the topics we tackled together:

• Deciding what age to give your kids devices
• Teaching your kids that using media is a privilege—not a right
• Different ways children are exposed to pornography, and how to avoid them!
• Tips for talking to teens about porn in a non-shaming, non-judgmental way
• Teaching our kids the connections between porn, prostitution, and trafficking
• Where to go for help if your child has a porn addiction (see Links/Resources below)

Safety Tip: If you don’t have an internet filter, get one! It’s the responsible thing to do. In addition to open, honest conversations, this is the next step to keeping our families safe. To learn about Covenant Eyes accountability software click here or click on the image below.

Episode challenge

Now that you know what to look for, it’s time to go on the defensive! Develop a specific and intentional policy for your child or teen. Include their use of electronic devices and social media accounts. Have a conversation with them about the risks and harms of pornography. Next, challenge them to have a zero tolerance policy about porn in their life. (Do it in a calm, non-judgmental, non-shaming way.) Make it clear that the door is always open, and even if they are addicted to porn, they can always come to you if they need help. 

Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!

More about today’s guest

Links/Resources

The Turning Point Counselling Services (Paul’s Website) 

Fight the New Drug 

Covenant Eyes

Fortify

Culture Reframed

Your Brain on Porn

Pornography Addiction: A Neuroscience Perspective by Donald Hilton

*Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, which means, at no additional cost to you, Media Savvy Moms receives a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Thanks for helping to support us in our mission to protect families from the harms of pornography!