How to Get Your Kids Talking (About Stuff that Matters)

This summer I really wanted to do a book review for the blog. As you might imagine, I narrowed down my list of must-reads. I couldn’t wait to get started. In the end, however, I didn’t choose the book. It chose me. I’ll explain after my review. Read on.

Conversations with My Kids: 30 Essential Family Discussions for the Digital Age is the latest gem from Educate Empower Kids (EEK). They’ve got a bunch of other great books and resources you should check out. But I think this is my favourite so far. It’s fun. It’s happy. And it’s something that will get your whole family talking.

Meet the author

The book claims no specific author. Nevertheless, it’s apparent that EEK founder, Dina Alexander, is the driving force behind its publication. I had the great fortune to hear Dina speak at the Global Summit to End Sexual Exploitation in Washington, D.C., this spring. She’s a dynamic individual, who is extremely passionate about getting parents to develop deep connections with their kids. Amen, sister!

Meeting Dina at the conference was like connecting with a long lost friend. (The loud-but-lovable one.) She’s willing to jump in with both feet, giving you the distinct impression that very few topics make her squirm. Dina understands that a huge piece to ending sexual exploitation starts with communication in the home.

The catch is, we have to move beyond the standard and scripted talks we think we’re supposed to have with our kids. In today’s digital landscape, we need to answer more than basic questions. Dina believes that with the right strategy, parents can start to perceive what kids need—often even before they ask.

Beyond the front cover

Simple layout. Easy to use.

Inside the front cover, you’ll find this statement: “Connecting with our kids begins with simple, daily interactions.” That’s it! The rest of the book is organized to help parents cover a broad range of topics for everyday kind of conversations. It’s really a very simple concept. Yet incredibly brilliant at the same time

Some of the topics may stretch beyond your area of expertise. Not to worry, each chapter includes 3-5 paragraphs of background information (with footnotes). It’s all designed to make family discussions easy and stress-free.

A list of discussion questions is also there for the taking. These prompts get kids adding their own insights, which is where the real magic happens. You’ll be amazed at where the conversation can go, and how much fun you can have with it.

Topics covered

The book has five main sections:

1. Technology,
2. The World Around Us,
3. Relationships,
4. Self-Improvement, and
5. Deeper Topics (eg, Spirituality, etc.).

Each of the big sections contains 5-7 subcategories (chapters). In the overall scheme, the book will challenge you to discuss some weighty topics such as online pornography, social media, healthy sexuality, and LGBTQI issues. Likewise, it invites you to consider using tech for good, health and disease, standing up for others, money management, death …and so much more.

The point is when we make the effort to discuss LOTS of topics with our kids, they learn that ALL subjects are on the table. That nothing is taboo. And that we’re genuinely interested in hearing what they have to say. It’s about sharing ideas of life with one another.

Age recommendation

Nothing in the book is scripted so the discussion can be adapted to any age—child, teen, even adult. It’s very flexible to your family’s needs. Furthermore, younger and older siblings usually benefit from hearing the perspective of one another. For me, that’s what makes Conversations with My Kids: 30 Essential Family Discussions for the Digital Age a must-have in your parenting library.

Maybe you’ve noticed that conversation is innately inviting. People want to voice their thoughts. Your kids are actually waiting for opportunities to share their ideas.

The other day when my two youngest (ages 11 &15) and I were having a discussion about social classes (inspired by the book), their older brother (age 19) came home. He immediately sat down to join the conversation. It was instinct. And of course he threw in a few thoughts of his own.

Yup, it’s that good!

How the book found me

As mentioned above, Dina and I caught up at the Global Summit. Which is where I snagged a copy of the book. I didn’t realize then, how much it could benefit me. To be honest, I actually put it on my bookshelf thinking it was a great resource I could share with OTHER parents.

(Shhh, don’t tell Dina.)

Meanwhile, I’d been scratching my head all summer trying to figure out ways to bring up important topics with my kids—duh! Note to self: Good books are meant to be opened and used.

I wasn’t purposely avoiding deep conversations with my kids. Life just got in the way. We were either too busy, or the timing didn’t seem right (classic procrastination). And then we had a situation…

One of my kids’ friends really betrayed his trust. It caught us all off guard. It hurt. We had to scramble to pick up the pieces and find a way through the crisis. We’re okay now. But the experience immediately brought to light why open communication is an essential skill that must be continually developed.

This is us…

How you get started is up to you. The book comes with no “set instructions” because, quite frankly, there’s no right or wrong way to talk to your kids. You could:

• complete the book in 30 days,
• use it over the course of a year,
• pick topics at random, or
• go straight through, beginning to end.

I don’t know why, but the idea of a conversation jar popped into my head. It seemed to be what I needed. I brought up the idea at family council and everyone was willing to give it a try.

The kids voted that mom make up the jar (see image). I weakly tried to pawn off the task. Secretly I was thrilled for the opportunity to pull out my craft supplies. Now almost every day we pick a random topic from the jar that corresponds to a chapter in the book. Then sometime throughout the day—it could be dinner, after dinner or before bed—we get together for a casual chat.

For us, the book is a guide to a fun exercise routine. Only this routine develops communication muscles. Like any set of muscles, the more you work them the more powerful and effective they become. Conversations like these help grow strong emotional intelligence and the survival skills essential to navigate today’s trickly digital landscape.

How to get your kids talking

As parents, we hope and pray that when tough times come, our kids will feel they can talk to us about anything. Conversations with My Kids: 30 Essential Family Discussions for the Digital Age, guides families to set the pattern for that kind of open communication.

So the secret to having your kids talk to you about stuff that matters, is to start by talking to your kids about EVERYTHING!

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Marilyn

Marilyn has an educational background in family processes and believes that even the most difficult conversations with our kids can be made easy. She loves to share her own experience of parenting in the digital age through writing, live speaking presentations and everyday conversations.

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