#FightForLove Movement: Winning the Heart of the World

By MarilynOn March 1, 2018March 31, 2018

#FightForLove Movement: Winning the Heart of the World

Forget fighting the old, it’s time to build the new. That’s Clay Olsen’s philosophy. And he’s used it to create a movement around the world where millions of young people are standing against porn to #fightforlove.

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Recently I had the opportunity to watch Clay in action as he engaged with students in my hometown! My first impression —this is a man with a big heart! My second impression —this is a movement that has an even bigger heart! Listening, you can’t help but believe that love can win!

Everything Fight the New Drug (FTND) does is based on scientific, peer-reviewed research. I’ll share with you today what I learned in 45 minutes about how pornography harms the brain, the heart and the world. Plus give you one other take-home message that could be the most important.

The presentation with heart

Clay starts the presentation warming up his audience to the reality that science notoriously lags behind truth. And once science does catch up, it can be decades before society is willing to accept new research as fact.

The tobacco industry is a prime example. Did you know that doctors would commonly endorse the “health benefits” of cigarettes to cleanse lungs and improve skin? We’d laugh at the absurdity of these claims if they weren’t so tragic. But the reality is our society is buying into similar lies about pornography, right now!

Today hundreds of studies prove the damaging effects of pornography to the brain, to relationships and to society as a whole. Yet legislators, health care professionals, and educators are largely ignorant of these facts. So it’s our job to rise up and create a cultural shift that is willing to see the truth.

How porn affects the brain

Modern research shows that the brain is in a constant state of plasticity. That means the information we feed into the brain can affect how it responds and operates. Important to our discussion is that constant use of pornography significantly impacts both the reward centre of the brain and the prefrontal cortex.

Because pornography activates a pleasure response in the brain, you might think the reward centre would flourish and grow. But in actuality, it has the opposite effect. Porn numbs an individual’s ability to feel pleasure. In fact, CT scans show that grey matter (the part of the brain that processes information including memory, emotions, decision making and self-control) is smaller in people that view porn.

This is why, over time, users of porn require stronger, harder and more frequent stimulation in order to feel any pleasure at all. When it comes to the brain, pornography has all the telltale signs of an addictive substance.

How porn affects the heart

Pornography messes with real love. In scientific terms porn is a superstimulus —an exaggerated but fake reproduction of a real stimulus. Nobel Prize winner, Niko Tinbergen introduced the term superstimulus in connection with his research on the sexual response of butterflies.

Here’s the gist of Tinbergen’s research: When male and female butterflies were released into an environment with cardboard butterflies (fake females with exaggerated markings) the male butterflies would attempt to mate with the cardboard every time! The natural female became unappealing.

You might think what’s the big deal, they’re just butterflies. But how this research translates to human consumption of pornography is astounding:

Couples using pornography to “spice up” their sex life may find intense short-term satisfaction; but EVERY long-term study shows that pornography decreases couples sexual satisfaction.
Porn inhibits male arousal with real partners. Sexual dysfunction in men has increased dramatically: 5% of men (age 18-59) in 1992 to 53.5% of men (age 16-21) in 2014.
Women have replaced girlish fantasies of first kisses and holding hands with the acceptance of violent sexual acts as the standard. Arousal from various porn genres replaces the concept of love.
Since 2008 (introduction of the smartphone), porn consumption among kids under 13 has risen from 14 to 49%. We have a generation being taught that sex and violence go together.

Actor Terry Cruse has spoken out on how his addiction to pornography affected his outlook of other human beings. Here’s what he says:

“My issue with porn was, and is with pornography, that it changes the way you think about people. People become objects, people become body parts; they become things to be used rather than people to be loved.”

How porn affects the world

This was by far the most powerful part of the presentation. Clay has sat with victims of human trafficking while they’ve told their story of being forced and drugged into a world of ugliness against their will. They explain that they can’t even find the words to describe what they’ve been through — the emotional pain is too great.

Supporters of porn argue that it’s an individual choice and those who don’t like it should just live and let live. But that argument fails to account for the very real connection between porn and human trafficking.

Society wants to put the porn industry in one category and sex trafficking in another. It helps them feel good about their choices. But the two are not separate and distinct. The production of porn fuels sex trafficking.

It’s true that many porn actors go into the trade willingly, but for everyone that does there is an equal, if not greater number, that is there through sex trafficking. They are often drugged and have guns pointed at their head. No one would know, because they are told to show nothing but pleasure for the camera!

It’s time to stop, step back and take a serious look at the narrative porn has created in our society. Connect the dots: From sexual harassment, to rape, to human trafficking. Porn is behind every #MeToo story as it purports that individuals can be beings bought, sold, used and disposed of at will.

Porn kills love.

I am only one, but I am one

What was most inspiring about the presentation was the feeling of hope Clay was able to convey as he spoke. For every fact he shared about the brain, the heart and the world’s response to pornography, he shared stories of success and triumph too.

We learned about individuals who have stood up and fought addiction, who have stood up and fought against human trafficking, who have stood up against pornographers, who have stood up to #fightforlove. Each individual makes a difference.

Clay finished by sharing this beloved thought from Edward Everett Hale:

“I am only one, but I am one. I cannot do everything, but I can do something. And I will not let what I cannot do interfere with what I can do.”

A question for Parents Aware

At the end of the presentation we had the opportunity to ask questions. The very last question of the evening was from a young male college student. He asked sincerely, “One day I’d like to have kids of my own, how do I talk to them about pornography?”

My heart melted —“Yes!” I thought to myself. “That is an amazing question! Maybe I should answer it.”

But it wasn’t my place; I let Clay do the talking. (And he did great!). Still I couldn’t contain my excitement. I had to tell this young man how much I appreciated his comment. So I popped up my hand and assured him that just like Fight the New Drug is rallying young people around the world to #fightforlove, there are also many organizations, like Parents Aware, rallying families to do the same.

Clay was delighted with the interjection. In fact as soon as the presentation was over he made a beeline to thank me for sharing what Parents Aware does to #fightforlove. He hoped that my comment would inspire others in attendance to realize they too can do something that will make a difference in this fight.

Invite Fight the New Drug to your town

How did Fight the New Drug end up doing a presentation at an obscure college campus 40 minutes east of Toronto? Simple, someone asked them.

In this case it was mycampuschurch. They asked, organized and rallied support on campus. It was a great evening that I wish even more people could have participated in. I can thank my husband’s eagle eye for catching sight of the poster on his way to class just a few days before the event. (He teaches at the college).

FTND does presentations for schools, churches, and college campuses. If you’re interested in bringing them to your hometown get the information here. You won’t be disappointed. They are professional, high energy and expert at changing the conversation about pornography.

Parents Aware now does speaking engagements

One thing you might not know is that Parents Aware does presentations too. (We’ve been kind of quiet about it for the last two years). Now were we’re ready to step up and be bold!

If you are looking for a presentation that is geared to the specific needs of families then we are a perfect fit. Currently we offer three unique presentations that can be tailored to your event.

Prevention: Learning to become your kid’s best ally against pornography (For parents of young children and teens)
Help: Finding answers when kids are struggling with porn (For parents and youth counselors)
Understanding: Growing up in a porn saturated culture and learning to choose your own path (For teens and young adults)

For more information please fill out the contact form below:

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Marilyn

Marilyn has an educational background in family processes and believes that even the most difficult conversations with our kids can be made easy. She loves to share her own experience of parenting in the digital age through writing, live speaking presentations and everyday conversations.

#FightForLove Movement: Winning the Heart of the World