Defining Pornography is Easier than You Think [New Video]

Experts agree, the first step to solving any problem is to define it. This strategy ensures precious energy is focused where it’s needed most. The goal being to overcome the obstacle—and not just treat the symptoms. Today we’ll discuss best practices for defining pornography for kids.

Find out more in this video:

Interestingly, both the Canadian and US Supreme Courts have struggled with the task of defining pornography for decades. This is in large part why unlimited amounts of violent and sexually degrading content can be freely accessed on almost every internet platform regardless of age.

Canada: “A great deal of the difficulty in discussing pornography results from confusion or lack of agreement over what is meant by the term.” …continue reading here.

USA: “The U.S. Supreme Court has established that obscenity is not protected by the First Amendment. The more troublesome question has been defining what is and is not obscene.” …continue reading here.

But what’s really important—and often overlooked—is how the obscenity standards in our communities influence court decisions. In other words, the more we allow pornography to become normalized in our society, the less legal recourse we have to protect children.

Related: When Pornography Laws Can’t Protect Children

Their opinion matters

What I really want you to take away from this video-blogpost is that the words our children use to describe pornography are more important than any definition you, I, or the Supreme Court can come up with. Today’s children are tomorrow’s influencers. Their words, multiplied, will become law.

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Have you noticed that adults tend to overthink everything! We spend a lot of energy fretting over how we’re going to explain difficult and complex issues to our kids. When what we really need to do is to find what our kids already know. The easiest and best way to do that is to ask them! Keep it casual and short.

Easy conversation starters that work anywhere, at any time:

• You know we can talk about anything, right? Well today I thought we could talk about pornography. Do you know what that word means?…
• I was reading an article today about why it’s important to define pornography to stay safe online. What do you think pornography is?…
• Have you ever heard the word pornography before? What do you think it means?…

As you introduce the subject, be aware to keep your body language light and listen encouragingly to any answer your child offers. The goal is not to come up with a perfect definition in one sitting. Rather, to open the door to that possibility. 

Always age appropriate

The beauty of this tactic is that your conversation is going to be age appropriate EVERY SINGLE TIME! Your 5-year-old will describe pornography in very black and white 5-year-old terms. Whereas a 15-year-old immersed in popular culture may surprise you with an extremely mature and thought provoking response.

When we ask our kids to take the lead in these conversations we eliminate any risk of sounding like the parents who don’t have a clue, and instead become the greatest listeners in the world. How cool is that?

Once you’ve gained your kid’s trust and respect, you’ll be able to interject additional thought into the conversation. Who knows… they may even ask your opinion (shock)!

Defining pornography 3 ways 

Another way to build up confidence tackling this subject is to read, read, and read some more. Here’s what three of my favourite reference books have to say on the subject:

“Pornography is material specifically designed to arouse sexual feeling in people by depicting nudity, sexual behaviour, or any type of sexual information.” —What’s the big Deal about Pornography: A guide for the Internet Generation

“Pornography is made exclusively for purpose of sexual stimulation in order to produce a completed sexual act (in other words for masturbation). True art is not made for this purpose.” —The Porn Myth: Exposing the reality behind the fantasy of pornography  

“Pornography means pictures, videos, or even cartoons of people with little or no clothes on.” —Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-proofing Today’s Young Kids

As you can see there are multiple sources to help guide your conversation. What you discuss will depend on the age and questions your child has. Just start with what your child already knows. With these definitions in the back of your mind you’ll be ready to fill in the gaps and answer questions that are sure to come up.

Go with confidence and start the conversation! #talktodaysafertomorrow

Join the Parents Aware community

Parents Aware is a little organization with a big heart. We consider pornography a public health crisis. Our mission is to have solution-focused discussions about the harms of pornography that relate to everyday parenting.

This is a forum for sharing concerns, ideas and successes. We hope that you can continue to look to the community for ideas, support and success stories. Discover how you can contribute to this community and its cause. It’s easy:

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Together we can help raise a generation resistant to the damaging effects of pornography! If you are interested in receiving regular updates from us, please fill out the attached form.

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Marilyn

Marilyn has an educational background in family processes and believes that even the most difficult conversations with our kids can be made easy. She loves to share her own experience of parenting in the digital age through writing, live speaking presentations and everyday conversations.

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