Ah … Valentine’s Day … time for paper hearts, candy, red roses … and a great reason to talk about dating, relationships, and sex with your kids? Absolutely!
What’s your first Valentine’s Day memory? Exchanging those little perforated cards in elementary school? Smearing pink frosting on a sugar cookie? For us, Valentine’s must include chocolate. Lots and lots of chocolate. (Yum.)
In the beginning, “liking” someone was so simple, wasn’t it? “Do you want to be my boyfriend/girlfriend? Check the box: yes or no.” Then pass the note back after lunch!
But as we get older, LOVE becomes a little more complicated.
It’s our job as parents to un-complicate things for our kids—to get back to basics! But how do we teach them what real love is, what a healthy relationship looks like, and how to navigate the craziness in our porn-saturated culture? Let’s talk about it!
We typically tackle some pretty heavy stuff on our podcast. But today we’re keeping it light, laughing at ourselves, and telling stories. We hope you can take away some tips and conversation starters that will help you make this conversation fun with your kids, too!
What does “dating” mean these days?
If you ask your kids to define a “date,” what do you think they’ll say? At first, they might give you the cookie-cutter response—the kind of date you might see on TV and movies. But do kids really do that anymore?
We quizzed each other, our peers, and our kids about the term “dating” and found out things aren’t so cut-and-dry now as they were when we were growing up. Kids don’t go on dates anymore; they hang out. Or they might be “dating,” but often they don’t go anywhere.
So … what does it all mean? How is this relevant? Why do we need to talk about it, anyway? Listen to the show to find out!
Awkward question? Bring it on!
When it comes to dating, relationships, and sex, there are just some things that need to be said—and we (the parents) need to be the ones to say them.
We laughed so hard watching this 3-minute clip from the movie Dan in Real Life, as he and his 15-year-old daughter have it out over what love is—and whether or not her boyfriend should get to join their weekend family reunion.
Are you ready to answer some hard questions? In today’s world, we need not just to prepare kids for first dates but also: teen sex, LGBTQ/same-gender attraction, the possibility of porn in our kids’ relationships, and a whole host of other issues. (See our Links/Resources below for tips on these topics.)
We practiced firing some of these questions at each other. Here are some takeaways:
- Express your VALUES. Questions about dating, relationships, and sex might not have the same answer for every family.
- Be HONEST. Use bold, straightforward language when kids ask about challenging and uncomfortable issues.
- Show GRATITUDE. Whether we agree with our kids’ choices or not, having them talk to you is so much better than hiding secrets, or going to other sources for help or information.
- Defaut to LOVE. When our kids come to us about anything follow nextTalk’s advice and “Default to Love!”
- Build a LIFELINE. Repeat to your kids over and over: “I love you … no matter what.” You never know when those words will save a kid. (Lynda Harlos told us how this helped her daughter escape a life in human trafficking.)
Related: Ep. #2-3, Human Trafficking: Closer Than You Think with Lynda Harlos
Sometimes our kids might blind-side us with questions we are not ready for. And that’s ok. We don’t have to be perfect. We can always have a do-over. It’s ok to be human.
Related: I Panicked When My Child Confided in Me About Porn, Now What?
Love is the antidote to porn
The bottom line is: we’re in this fight because we believe in the power of relationships.
Have you seen the three-part documentary, Brain, Heart, World, from Fight the New Drug? If you haven’t, go watch it! It’s one of the most positive, uplifting presentations we have ever seen about the dangers of pornography. (It sounds crazy, but it’s true!)
In the Heart section of the documentary, they talk about the Harvard Study on Happiness. It’s a 70-year study in which they tracked hundreds of people from all different demographics. And guess what the lead researcher discovered …
“The surprising finding is that our relationships and how happy we are in our relationships has a powerful influence on our health,” said Robert Waldinger, director of the study, a psychiatrist at Massachusetts General Hospital and a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. “Taking care of your body is important, but tending to your relationships is a form of self-care too. That, I think, is the revelation.”
So, stick to your guns, Mom and Dad. Keep having those healthy conversations about dating, relationships, and sex … and pornography! Keep that Construction Site open.
We can start by changing the conversation about pornography with our own kids. And they will change the conversation in all their relationships. And that’s how we will ultimately change the world. Call us crazy, but that’s the goal!
Related: Ep. #1.6, Smooch Around Your Kids: Model Healthy Relationships at Home
Episode challenge
So now that you’re all pumped up, get out there and start talking! Ask your kids the same question we did: What is a “date”? Then don’t let them off the hook with a cookie-cutter answer! Dig deep. Quiz them about who is dating who at school. Have fun! Then hug them and smooch them. It’s Valentine’s Day.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!
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Links/Resources
How to Get Your Kids Talking (About Stuff That Matters) – Parents Aware
Talking With Your Teen About Sex – Educate and Empower Kids
Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner (LGBTQ Issues) – Educate and Empower Kids
Is it a Good Idea to Date Someone Who Watches Porn? – Fight the New Drug
Brain, Heart, World – Fight the New Drug
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