Do you ever get the feeling that society views kids as troublemakers, and parents as the good guys? We need to be careful about stereotypes—and mindful of where we point fingers. A better approach is to consider how to establish a strong foundation that can help kids make great decisions now and in the future.
Yes, part of being a kid is to test the waters, to experiment, and to try new things. As we’ve said before, curiosity is what drives learning. But the truth is, there are tons of great kids out there. And they’re all looking for answers on how to navigate every aspect of life.
They need—and crave!—guidance from parents and mentors who genuinely care about their health and well-being.
Digital devices tend to amplify our fears about teen attitude and risky behavior. No doubt! There are plenty of online dangers to be found. Never mind that the tech itself is inherently addictive. Left to navigate the crazy digital world on their own, will kids be ready?
Our guest, Brett Ullman, author of the book, Parenting: Navigating Everything, explains how you can connect with your kids, establish a strong relational foundation, and give them skills they need to thrive online and off.
Beyond the tough exterior
Brett’s been speaking to High School kids for more than 20 years. Cool! So the first thing we did was ask, “What the heck is going on beneath that often tough teen exterior?” His answer kind of surprised us. Turns out, teens are mostly mush. They actually have real feelings!
In fact, they struggle a lot with anxiety, feeling connected, and have a great fear of being alone. Mental health is a big issue for teens. In this episode, Brett teaches parents how to deal with these concerns. He talks about getting to the root of why kids feel more disconnected today. And tells us what we as parents can do to help them.
Part of it is that kids need acceptance and validation. Today, it can feel like they’re getting those needs met online. But friends are fickle. They’ll dump each other at a moment’s notice. Brett explains that if kids can start with a strong attachment to parents, they’ll have more confidence to work through the ups and downs that come with peer relationships. So connect with your kids!
Preparing kids for everything
Raising kids demands a lot—money, food, shelter, clothes. Those are all important! But let’s not dismiss the two big commitments either … LOVE and TIME.
Time is precious. And with our children, oh, so very limited. Even though we might feel like our current parenting challenges will last f-o-r-e-v-e-r … from sleepless nights with a newborn to sleepless nights worrying about a teen, it’s all gone before you know it.
Related: Ep. #2.4, Be in the Now: Mindfulness in Parenting
Soon, they’re off to college, moving out, living with friends, building their own lives and families. How will they fair? Brett believes parenting—from day one—is all about setting kids up for leaving the nest with success. He shared with us this favorite quote from Ted Cunningham’s Trophy Child: “They will not be with me forever, so I will prepare them accordingly.”
A million different conversations
Establishing a strong foundation doesn’t happen in one fell swoop. It’s not something we can check off a list. It’s a million different conversations with our kids, according to Brett. Here are some of his favorite ways to make good connections:
- Put down your phone
- Look them in the eye
- Be on the same team
- Eat more dinners together
- Talk to your kids while you’re driving
- Have family meetings
Brett likes to use family experiences to teach our children. It’s less about “telling” them what to do and more about walking side-by-side with them. For him, this is the cornerstone of discipline.
Related: Ep. #1.4, Give Your Kids a Construction Site: Creating a Safe Place for Difficult Discussions
Navigating the BIG topics
By now you’ve likely guessed that the big secret to successfully addressing BIG topics is to first establish a strong foundation. Being able to talk candidly with your kids about the harms of pornography and other digital dangers starts with your relationship with one another. As mentioned, this takes time.
We need to be engaged parents, interested in what’s happening in our children’s lives, and willing to help them find the answers they are looking for.
Related: Ep. #2.8, 5 Parenting Rules to Live By: Surviving the Digital Age
During our interview, Brett also reminded us about the importance of instilling accountability. After all, our ultimate goal is to grow healthy, happy, autonomous adults. We could make all the rules we want. Helicopter over them. Enforce them. Police them. But someday soon they will leave the house and need to go it alone. Today is the time to connect with your kids and establish that foundation!
Episode challenge
Do you eat together as a family? The dinner table is an AWESOME place to connect with your kids. This week, make a goal to eat at least one meal all together–breakfast, lunch or dinner. Doesn’t matter. Eat. Talk. Connect.
Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!
More about today’s guest
Brett Ullman is a speaker, author, vlogger and father of two. He was a teacher with the Toronto District School Board for 10 years before moving into speaking full-time in 2005. He has a Masters degree in Evangelism and Leadership from Wheaton Graduate School in Chicago and is also a graduate of the Arrow Leadership Program. Brett travels North America speaking to teens, young adults, leaders and parents on topics including sexuality, mental health, dating and media.
Links/Resources
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