Screen Time & Healthy Boundaries with Andrea Davis, Better Screen Time

Have you ever tried to talk to your kids about reigning in their screen time—and gotten that glazed-over look? … Uh-huh, we feel your pain.

Worry less, connect more

That’s exactly what inspired Andrea Davis, a former teacher, and mother of five, to launch Better Screen Time. For her, it’s all about creating positive strategies for screens and technology. She and her husband have created a system to help parents worry less and connect more with their kids. 

Ahhhh …worry less and connect more. Doesn’t that sound impossible…er, I mean ah-mazing? 

Apparently, there are a few tricks to getting your family working together on tech goals in a fun collaborative way. Don’t worry if you’re not there yet. We know there’s lots of pressure on families. Heck, keeping up with technology feels like shoveling in a snowstorm. It definitely helps to have some great tools in your pocket. That’s why we brought the better screen time expert on board.

We had a blast chatting mom-to-mom with Andrea. Be sure to listen in as she shares some very poignant personal experiences. We’re sure they will inspire you to tackle this important topic at home … with confidence.

Enjoy the show!

Show notes:

Seeing what matters most

At the beginning of our interview, Andrea talks about their recent house fire. “We were out of town and got the phone call you never want to get,” she said. We won’t give away all the details here. Just know that Roomba vacuums and stovetops do not make good vacation partners. 

Needless to say, the experience of losing her home caused some serious introspection. Andrea says her heart sank looking at the blackened walls. But among the wreckage, she spotted the magnetic letters on the fridge that the children had used to spell their family name: D-A-V-I-S. At that moment, she realized she still had what mattered—her husband, her children, her family. 

Strengthening the relationships between those most precious to her became even more important. 

“I realized I was on a mission to do something good with Better Screen Time. It helped me refocus and actually ‘added fuel to the fire,’ if you’ll pardon the pun. That’s what really matters—connections with our family. We can’t lose that. We need to strip everything away and maintain those relationships.”

In our digitally saturated world, we are surrounded by so much noise with the internet, social media, devices, entertainment, and on and on. It all comes back to family and quality time.

Related: Teens Screens Connection and Happiness

Stopping cues

So, why is it so important to create boundaries around screen time? Wouldn’t it be a lot easier if we didn’t have to set (or enforce) any limits? With many kids, it would definitely be the path of least resistance. 

The truth is, massive amounts of screen time just aren’t healthy. Screens are interfering not only with our kids’ physical health but with their mental health as well.

Access to technology has changed dramatically over the past 20 years. When we were kids, if we had a favourite TV show, we knew what time it was on, we would watch it, and when it was over, we’d turn off the TV and get on with our life. We had built-in “stopping cues”. 

Now with endless streaming, video games, continuous feeds, media on demand, and the internet in our pocket, the “stopping cues” we once had are no longer there, so we need to put them in place for our kids. 

For more on stopping cues, check out:  Irresistible: The Rise of Addictive Technology and the Business of Keeping Us Hooked by Adam Alter

Relationships

Andrea also talks about the impact excessive screen time can have on relationships—with others and oneself. 

It’s so easy to become absorbed in technology. Kids especially need real-time interactions. It helps them develop problem-solving skills and coping mechanisms for times when they are distressed or bored. 

Andrea adds that tech, in and of itself, is not bad but as the saying goes, “all things in moderation.” She then explains how to balance personal downtime with technology and the importance of “white space” (offline time) for healthy development. 

Setting priorities

Remember the old rocks-in-the-jar analogy that people sometimes use to talk about time management? If we try to shove a bunch of big rocks, small stones, and sand into a jar all at once, it won’t work. Instead, we need to identify the big rocks (the most important things), put them in place first, and then fit the small stuff in around them. It’s the same way with our time. 

What are the “big rocks” in your family? Sleep? Exercise? Work? Together time? 

We need to ask ourselves: Is screen time taking up too much space and replacing some of these big rocks in our family jar? Or is screen time just part of the sand, filling up the cracks around our most important priorities? This is the key to establishing healthy screen time habits in our homes. 

Related Content: Too Much Screentime? 

Screens, kids, and pornography

You can bet we asked Andrea to share her thoughts on how to protect kids from pornography. 

Andrea says it’s important for parents to think about what leads kids to use pornography beyond basic curiosity about sex. For example, it may be to fill an emotional or relational need. In other words, the reasons kids turn to porn may be more complicated and layered than we first imagined. Be open and understanding when kids do struggle. 

Related: Fact vs Fiction: Addiction, Pornography & Teens

Still, it’s true that most kids are curious about their bodies—and about sex. This is totally natural. Parents should warn kids early that search engines, like Google, are not a safe place to find answers on these topics. Tell them honestly, “If you Google this, it could lead to very inappropriate content.” Always use age-appropriate language to explain why.  

Make sure your kids know that porn is not real sex, and real sex is not porn. Andrea likes to use this analogy:

“Watching porn to learn about sex is like watching a hospital drama to learn how to become a doctor.”

Can you even imagine?—“Ya, I earned my medical license from watching Grey’s Anatomy”. 

Finally, to help protect kids from pornography we need to be emotionally present for them. This means that when kids are little (and throwing tantrums), we teach them ways to cope and self-soothe that doesn’t always involve technology. So hard, right? Remember we’re building habits that will carry them through the teen years. 

Better screen time solutions

Excessive screen use, pornography, addiction. These are big problems. But hang in there, parents! Andrea says that as parents we possess all the skills necessary to coach and guide our children. And we agree!

Here are some tips from Andrea to help you implement healthy tech boundaries:

• Be leaders in your home when it comes to technology. 
• Work together with your kids. (Get rid of fear-driven plans.)
• Use interactive family activities to help kids to build their own tech safety solutions. 
• Create a Family Tech Plan. (Look for your guide below!)

When kids push back

At this point you may be thinking, this all sounds great, but what if I get resistance from my kids when we try to set boundaries? 

Every family is different. And every child is different. We get it! Reactions to your family’s own tech plan will vary depending on the ages and personalities of your kids. Andrea has kids from kindergarten to middle school. In fact, her teenager already had a smartphone when they decided they needed to rethink their tech strategy. 

Listen to the full episode to find out how that mom-daughter confrontation went down (ahh, teens!).  Also, find out how the principal at her daughter’s school helped Andrea stick to her resolve. 

Create your own Better Screen Time plan

Being a good parent doesn’t mean we’re always going to have happy kids. We need to lead with love and invest in our relationships with our kids. That includes creating boundaries for our kids. Even when it’s not always easy. Hang in there, parents. Be strong! You got this.

Download the FREE Quick Guide to Creating a Family-Tech Plan from Better Screen Time and go over it with your family. 

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More about our guest

Links/Resources

Too Much Screen Time? (MSM Podcast) 
“Am I Ready for a Personal Device” Self-Evaluation for Teens (Better Screen Time)
Creating a Tech-Healthy Family Online Course (Better Screen Time)
Quick Guide to Creating a Family-Tech Plan (Better Screen Time)