Body Safety: How to Empower Kids & Teens

By Media Savvy Moms PodcastOn April 22, 2020April 22, 2020

Body Safety: How to Empower Kids & Teens

Young or old, our kids need to know: When it comes to my body, I AM IN CHARGE, and there are lines no one can cross without my permission! But how do we get that into their heads?

When we teach our kids about body safety, we’re helping to protect our kids and teens from a host of dangers—from predators and sharing nudes to unwanted sexual attention and date rape.

But how do we instill this knowledge without scaring them to death?

Think of it this way. Rather than painting a picture of the big scary world and encouraging our kids to cower in a corner, we can put a cape of confidence around them and teach them to trust their powers of self-awareness.

So, let’s talk about WHY, WHEN, and HOW we empower kids and teens with protective information.

It’s a mad world

If you’re tuning in, you probably already know why it’s important to talk about body safety. But just for the sake of review, let’s hit the highlights.

We know it’s a crazy world out there. Every day, a million messages bombard our kids from all sides. And media (especially pornography!) absolutely skews our perception of body image and “self.” As parents, we need to cut through the noise.

It’s SO IMPORTANT to reinforce healthy messages in our homes. Teaching kids to love their body and protect it? This should be a top priority on our parenting to-do list.

Of course, the classic body safety talk generally includes something about “stranger danger” … SCREEEECH!!! Hold it right there. Now let’s back up. We need to teach kids to beware of anyone who oversteps the boundaries they have set in place–not just strangers! That goes for adults, friends, family, and sadly, even other kids.

More often than not, kids are abused or exploited by someone they know. Bottom line, if we’re limiting the warning to “strangers” then we’re not having the right conversation!

Big, little, and in the middle

Some parents might wonder, am I too late? Did I miss my window? When should we be having this talk, anyway?

The answer might sound familiar. It’s the same recommendation we make for talking about all tricky topics, whether it’s pornography, sex, or body safety. When should we talk about it? Right now. Start wherever you’re at. Talk yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

Of course, you’re not going to have the same body safety talk with your 3-year-old as you’re going to have with your 17-year-old. There are age-appropriate ways to handle this. For instance, with younger kids, you might want to focus on keeping private parts private. But with teens, you can talk about consent.

As Marilyn reminded us, we can even have this talk with our kids as they are walking out the door to go to university (or college, for those in the U.S.). Heaven knows there are more than enough issues with rape, abductions and other forms of sexual exploitation on college campuses to warrant continued talk about body safety well into adulthood!

Tip: Use the video below, My Body Belongs to Me, to help guide conversations with young children about body safety.

Body safety in 5 easy steps

Melody has extensive experience teaching body safety as a self-defense instructor as well as training in the Youth Protection Program with Boy Scouts of America. Tune in to hear her advice and more details about our 5 STEPS TO BODY SAFETY (free printable cue cards below). Here’s a quick summary:

1) Empower your child. Our bodies are amazing! Teach your child to respect their body. Inspire self-love and beware of body shame. Teach them to recognize and trust their own body cues—like butterflies in their tummy, sweaty palms, or a racing heart—that might warn them of danger.

Note: Think of step 1 like a pebble hitting a pond, with the others creating ripples around it. Your child is at the core, and it’s your job to help build those protective ripples around them.

2) Teach boundaries. Be specific. Talk about anatomy. Teach them that no one has the right to touch them without their permission. Use anatomically correct names, but also be aware that predators sometimes use code words to describe private parts or inappropriate behavior in an attempt to hide what is happening. Never force love, affection, or physical touch on a child.

3) Listen. Give your children a voice. Often, when a child is abused, the perpetrator will ask them to keep it a secret. They might groom them slowly over time, blackmail them, threaten them, or even give them gifts to ensure their silence. We want our voice to be hardwired in their brain so that it is louder than anything else. They need to know: “I can always tell! It is okay to tell! I need to tell!” Provide a safe place for them. Always leave the door open.

4) Provide a network. Ask your kids, “Who is on your team?” Have them hold up their hand and count off five people that they can talk to if they feel like something isn’t right. If the first person won’t listen or doesn’t hear them, then instruct them to talk to the next, then the next, and so on.

IMPORTANT: ALWAYS believe a child when they report abuse.

5) Repeat, repeat, repeat. Be a broken record. When it comes to body safety and consent, we can’t say these things enough. Teach. Listen. Talk. Have open conversations. This is not a one and done!

If you suspect a child is in trouble, or if your child is a victim of abuse, remember:

Have courage! Report it!
You are not a failure. Bad things happen to good people.
It’s scary, but you can do this!
Children are resilient. They can get through this. And so can you!

National Child Abuse Hotline (US & Canada) — 1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)

Episode challenge

Work with your child to identify 5 trusted adults they can turn to in case of an emergency. It’s great to have this network in place for lots of reasons—not just abuse. If you have a young child, have them trace their hand on a piece of paper and write their five names. For older children, have them count them off on their fingers.

Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!

Links/Resources

How to Report Suspected Child Maltreatment – U.S. Department of Health and Human Services

Safe 4 Kids – Child protection resources, education and training

We Stand Guard – Personal safety for kids

Boy Scouts of America Youth Protection Training – Informational videos available to the public

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Media Savvy Moms Podcast

Who knew honest conversations about parenting and pornography could be so approachable? Join Marilyn for a series of contemplations, chats, and interviews as she helps fellow parents tackle this challenging topic with their kids.

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