4 Essential Steps to Protect Kids From Pornography

Do you ever wonder … How can I protect my kids from pornography? Where do I even start? Does it make you hyperventilate a little? We get it. Let’s break it down and make a plan.

The porn industry. It’s big. It’s bad. And it’s coming after our kids. It’s no joke. We’ve learned enough in recent episodes about Pornhub and sexualized media to know this. Right? 

So where does that leave us? Shaking in our boots? Ready to live on a desert island with our kids with no technology? (A parent can dream … ) 

If we could give you a magic wand and make it all go away, we would. Gladly! We’d love to POOF all that porn right into oblivion! But nope. We can’t run away. This is parenting in a media saturated world. And we got this! Go team! 

It’s time to sit down and make a game plan. One step at a time. Keep reading (or tune in to the podcast) to learn the 4 essential steps to protect kids from pornography. 

Step 1: Start Talking

Have open, honest conversations

If you want to protect your kids from pornography, then TALK TO YOUR KIDS! Talk about everything. Be available to answer ALL their questions. Become their default search engine—so that when they have questions about porn and sex, they will come to you instead of Google. 

If this were a game of Rock, Paper, Scissors, then open communication beats out filters every single time. That doesn’t mean we don’t have filters (see step two). But communication comes first and always! It’s never-ending. 

Get yourselves on the same team

We understand. Talking about pornography can feel awkward. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and lost in the details. Remember that the goal of these conversations is not to be perfect, it’s to help kids know that you’re on their team. That they can talk to you about anything. And that this topic is most definitely on the table. 

Related: Ep. #1-18, I Panicked When My Child Confided in Me About Porn, Now What?

One way to protect kids from pornography is to wrap science-based facts around your own family values. Just saying, “porn is bad, stay away” could backfire. Kids are bombarded with sexualized information today. It’s easy to get pulled in. They need to know WHY porn is harmful and that you’re there to help them sort through their feelings. Do your research. Then share age-appropriate resources with your kids. See list of our favorites below (Links/Resources). 

Step 2: Filtering towards accountability

A necessary layer of protection

Along with open communication, it’s important to do all we can to physically keep pornography out of our homes. That means filtering! It’s easier than parents realize for young kids to stumble across hardcore pornography. Research suggests that 80% of unintentional exposure occurs at home. YouTube, video games, hidden doors to the internet … all culprits. 

A good strategy is to filter EVERYTHING when kids are little. Then as kids get older help them work toward more personal accountability. Eventually, kids will be on their own. It’s our job to help them prepare for that moment. 

Related: Ep. #1-2,  Beware of the Rattlesnakes: Safeguarding Your Kids from Pornography

Parenting Tip: Remember that filters and parental controls minimize the risk of porn exposure, but we should never rely on them exclusively. To truly protect kids from pornography, we have to keep coming back to those important conversations. 

It’s easier than you think

Worried about how to install filters? You don’t have to be a tech genius to protect your kids. We’re certainly not! But we are here to provide you with the best information, and we have great connections (guests on our show) who can help you on the tech and filtering side. We’re often surprised at the FREE filters and parental controls right at our fingertips—that we don’t even know about until someone shows us!

Also … Want an app that acts like a guard dog sniffing through all your kids’ devices, apps, and social media looking for danger? You can try the Bark app FREE for 30 days when you put in our code: MEDIASAVVY

Related: Ep. #1-7, Protecting Families with the Bark App with Titania Jordan

One of our top resources for all things tech and filtering is Protect Young Eyes. They have a site and a full staff dedicated to test-driving apps, devices, filters, etc., and clueing parents in on how to keep their kids safe on tech. Every year they release a review of the Best Parental Control Software. Check it out. 

Step 3: Creating a family tech plan

Working together as a team

A family tech plan is where open communication and filters get married. They make a baby and they call it SAFER SCREEN HABITS! (Talk about protecting kids from pornography!) Remember how we were shaking in our boots, ready to move to a deserted island? That ends now! Now we make our fight-back-strategy. And we do it as a family. Together.

Call in the troops! Gather everyone for your Family Power Meeting. Download our Quick Guide to Safer Screen Habits (below) and get to work! Remember, this is not a lecture. You are a coach, not a drill sergeant. Kids are more likely to comply with rules that don’t feel arbitrary or imposed. Here are a few guidelines (listen to the podcast for more details):

• Identify online dangers
• Set parameters on things like screen time, when should kids get a cell phone, limits around gaming, social media, etc.
• Explain your filtering strategy and WHY
• Talk about real-life scenarios that family members might encounter

Kids thrive with structure

Will your kids push back? Maybe. Probably. Even if they’re on board in the Family Power Meeting, you might hear some whining or full-blown protests down the road. That’s totally normal. Kids throw tantrums over the color of their socks or their curfew or bedtime. Why should we expect boundaries around screen time to be any different? When kids challenge the plan, stand strong. 

Despite what they say, children like plans, structure, and boundaries. They feel more safe and secure knowing that someone is looking out for them. In regards to older children, having a plan can also help them make better decisions, especially when you’re not around. It might even provide a way to save face when they’re with peers. They can always blame their “parents’ rules” if they need a quick way out of a tough situation. That’s right! Let them know you’re willing to be the “bad guy.”

Step 4: Ongoing sex talks

Be the best source of information

The porn talk and the sex talk are undeniably linked. In order to protect kids from pornography, we need to give them better information about sex than the dangerous content found online. Just like we want to be our kids’ go-to expert on porn, we also want to be their go-to expert on sex. 

When kids have questions about porn and sex, teach them to ask you, not Google. (Again, be your kids’ default search engine.) Sometimes we can get pretty stressed thinking about the sex talk. But it’s not about getting it all in one shot. And it’s not about a list of don’ts either. Talk about relationships, feelings, emotions, and intimacy. Explain that pornography is designed to arouse sexual feelings but teaches all sorts of lies about sex. 

Then love your spouse. Love out loud! Smooch around your kids. Make them giggle, roll their eyes, and gross them out. Show them what a healthy, loving, beautiful relationship looks like. Tell them too. Let kids know that sex can be awesome. And that it’s something to look forward to. 

Episode Challenge

Ok people. This is where the rubber hits the road. It’s time to take everything you’ve learned and put it into action! Use the form below to download our Quick Guide to Safer Screen Habits. Then bust out the poster board and markers, have your Family Power Meeting, and get to work creating a system that will work for you. 

Thanks for listening! If you enjoyed the show, please leave a positive review or tell a friend!

Links/Resources

Sex Talks:
Ep. #1-16, Sex Talks Run Amok: Laugh, Relax and Carry On
Ep. #1-17, Sex Talks Made Easy with Dina Alexander
Ep. #2-6, Dating, LOVE, and Awkward Questions
Ep. #2-10, Addressing Masturbation Without Shame
Ep. #2-12, Sex Talks for Daughters with Dina Alexander
30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 3 to 7 (book)
30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 8 to 11 (book)
30 Days of Sex Talks for Ages 12+ (book)

Porn Talks:
Ep. #1-1, Get Off the Fence: Talk to Your Kids About Pornography
Ep. #1-2, Beware of the Rattlesnakes: Safeguarding Your Kids from Pornography 
Ep. #1-4, Give Your Kids a Construction Site: Creating A Safe Place for Difficult Discussions
Ep. #1-18, I Panicked When My Child Saw Porn, Now What?
Ep. #1-20, Girls Struggle Too: Porn is Not a ‘Guy’ Problem
Ep. #2-15, Establishing a Strong Foundation Even Before the Porn Talk with Brett Ullman
Ep. #2-17, Is My Child or Teen Addicted to Porn? with Paul Lavergne
Good Pictures Bad Pictures (book)
Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr. (book)
How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography (book)

Filters & Parental Controls:
Ep. #2-36, Tech Safety 101: Routers, Filters & Parental Controls with Chris McKenna, Protect Young Eyes
Ep. #1-7, Protecting Families with the Bark App, with Titania Jordan
Ep. #1-22, Tech for the Holidays with Sarah Siegand
Covenant Eyes (filtering software)
Bark App (filtering software)
Code for 30-day FREE trial of the Bark app: MEDIASAVVY)
MSM Pinterest Board: Filters & Parental Controls

Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links, which means, at no additional cost to you, Media Savvy Moms receives a commission if you click through and make a purchase. Thanks for helping to support us in our mission to protect families from the harms of pornography!